Loving Eyes

It's Wednesday, and I've hardly thought about this practice.

Starting the new job yesterday, my attention...and my eyes...have

been focused on SO many new things that are now in my line-of-sight.

I like to think that my vision for my work, for the business, and for the people

there is coming from a place of LOVE...seeing potential and giving folks the benefit

of the doubt as I get to know them better and understand their styles and intentions.

My eyes are so tired, especially from gazing at a computer screen and learning the new

in and outs of a system that is so different from mine at home.

When I got home last night, I was exhausted and my eyes were spent!

Now that I've had a good night's rest and am delaying my departure to Abilene,

I want to head out with this practice in focus.

What will I see along the way?

Who will I encounter?

What will challenge me?

What will delight me?

Loving eyes are accepting eyes...admitting eyes...present eyes.

"Open my eyes that I may see..."
~~~
Aha!
Saying goodbye to Mother, taking her face in my hands,
looking straight into her eyes with my loving eyes,
holding our gaze longer than she might have allowed in the past,
and feeling a connection made that said it was all okay.
I left feeling peaceful.
She knows.

A Media Fast

Monday:

Bargaining big-time...newspaper still on ottoman...plugged in to my

email this morning...answered Debi's "letter"...identifying my addictive forms 

of media...internet news bits...checking and rechecking email...

email as my connection to my Connections...Maddow & O'Donnell...
worked crossword puzzle and then threw newspaper away...
resisted reading the news blurbs on the internet
Tuesday:
Did crossword and threw unread newspaper away...
no Yahoo news blurbs
Wednesday:
Crossword puzzle, but threw newspaper away...
no Yahoo news blurbs
Thursday:
Another day of crossword puzzle and no newspaper
or Yahoo news blurbs
Friday:
I cheated and read the newspaper and was reminded of
how very little I've been missing!! 
Enjoyed working my crossword puzzle
Didn't look at Yahoo blurbs
Saturday:
Scanned the paper and worked the crossword
No Yahoo blurbs all week!
~~~
I realize how much I enjoy being "connected" to the world
via media, especially my MSNBC nightly crew!
I can, however, feel what the author referred to as an
"underlying anxiety"...more an awareness that the news on
MSNBC makes me want to respond...DO SOMETHING!
Is that bad?
Fasting from the Yahoo news blurbs was good; so much of
that supposed "news" is just gossip and speculation.
I do like some of the heart-warming stories that come across
from time to time, and I'll probably go back to at least
scanning the blurbs for that kind of POSITIVE news...I enjoy
putting those on my emmyblog.

Waiting

Sculpture entitled 

Is It Worth Waiting For?

Yesterday's waiting for internet transactions, and never once applying this.

I had associated this practice with "waiting room" experiences.

Now I see it is so much bigger and prevalent in my life.

This just in...
~~~
It's Thursday and I am realizing (again) that the waiting in my life
is EVERYWHERE, 
not just the obvious waits at stoplights,restaurants, stores, etc. 
In fact, I have not really been "out" in three days.
So, now, here goes:
J.R.
(3 breaths)
K.L.
(3 breaths)
M.W.
(3 breaths)
~~~

I am

DRAWN instead of DRIVEN

FOUND instead of SEEKING

GROUNDED instead of GRASPING

CENTERED instead of SCATTERED

ENOUGH instead of MORE

NOW instead of WHEN

FULL instead of HUNGRY

STILL instead of RUSHED

RIGHT HERE instead of THERE.

~~~
Rita is never late.
It was only during the last 10 minutes or so of my
wait for her at Freebirds that I remembered this practice
and started enjoying the breathing time.
Interesting how I kept expecting her to show up at any minute,
so it wasn't a frustrating wait at all.
She and I got a good laugh out of her assisting me
with my practice this week. 

Loving touch indeed...

Loving Touch

Ooooh, I never expected this one to be so challenging.
I realize how roughly and brusquely I handle things, without even realizing.
Last night I ripped through those photo albums, jerking photos off
the pages and stuffing the remains into garbage bags.
I was on a roll, and I wanted to get it done.
The time my hands were most loving were when they were guiding me
through the memories of the albums I wasn't dismantling.
Hmmm...there is tension in my hands.
Stretch and relax them.
They are my connection to the world.
I told Sawyer to be "gentle" when touching the anniversary clock.
What would it be like to touch my world lovingly?
I am typing much more lightly now, and the words are still appearing.
Is this somehow tied to "trying too hard"?
Okay, now to paint one nail as my reminder.
~~~
I am lousy at loving hands...lousy, I say!
Okay...now with less judgmental accusations:
I observe my hands to be more like clumsy claws, especially since I used 
and abused them during the purging of the old photo albums.
My nails were splitting and the skin around them tender and bleeding
when I finished the purging of the albums.
I filed the nails down to the nub and they are now starting to peek back
out over the skin-line, bravely re-emerging like they have done for
the past sixty-five plus years of my life.
I remember my younger hands with soft, blemishless skin,
long tapered fingers with pretty nails attached.
Now they are 65-year-old hands,
perhaps more loving than ever in many ways.
Maybe learning to love my hands just as they are is the first
step to using them lovingly.
Hmmmm...
~~~
It's Friday, and I'm still grabbing and grasping.
I'm using the kids as an excuse.
Hmmmm...
~~~
I'm well into the next week and realizing how my hands have
relaxed and how much more "loving" they appear and "act"; this practice
has made me extremely aware of how my hands reflect my nature.
They will continue to be a helpful barometer of my connection to the love
that I am experiencing, both allowing in and expressing out.

Consider this...

Here's something to meditate upon: Our present experience, as it is, can never be "wrong". How can life, that infinite intelligence that grows the grass and burns the Sun, get anything "wrong"? 

  

Sadness is not wrong. Fear is not wrong. Confusion is not wrong. Our pain is not wrong. 

Resisting our pain, pushing it away - that's what makes everything seem wrong. And yet here is a deeper truth, for those who are open: Even our resistance of pain is not wrong. If that's what's happening, it cannot be wrong. It is a valid expression of life in the moment. Beyond 'right' and 'wrong', this love that we are even embraces our resistance. The Now is vast, and forgiving.

You see, we never actually "resist" our pain. We just never learned how to be with it. How to sit with it. Stay with it. Have a cup of tea with it. See it as a beloved friend, at home in the vastness of ourselves.

  

This is what I explore with people in my books, meetings and retreats: how to stop running away from the present moment. How to remember who we really are, no matter what is happening in our lives. How to rest, even in the midst of the storm.

In truth, we never have to look further than our present moment experience  to find that vast and timeless intelligence that forms galaxies out of nothing and pumps blood around the body in deep dreamless sleep. When we run away from this sacred moment, whatever shape it takes, we may just be missing its deeper secrets....

~Jeff Foster

Every Time the Phone Rings...

take three mindful breaths 

to settle the mind before answering.

I rarely have a phonecall, so I'm using stoplights as

my invitation to take three breaths and settle

the mind while I wait.

~~~

Forgetting when I stop at red lights...

then remembering

to breathe

~~~
Eventually looking forward to the

"oases of red lights"

~~~