Notice Trees

I did notice that when I took the "freeways" home from work,
there were absolutely no trees...
asphalt and concrete as far as the eye could see!
So my 19th Street route, although longer, perhaps, 
is my much-needed tree-lined entry into and exit out of 
my daily world of work.
I noticed the varying shades of spring green
and the unique shapes of their sprouting and rooting. 
~~~ The past month has been WILD!!
I realize how hard it is to stay mindful when there
is so much on my mind.
Doing these practices seems harder than ever, 
because my mind is already consumed with content.
I don't even think of doing them.
I don't even think of wanting to do them.
Makes me appreciate and empathize with the many folks 
who would never even consider doing any of these practices.
Why, it's just not "natural".
And would I continue this journey or bail out,
if I were not the instigator...the facilitator?
Humility!

And yet, how often, 
in the midst of this WILD month,
have I found myself breathing at stoplights,
taking deep breaths when thoughts were starting to spin and twirl,
observing and experiencing what was really there
in the moment
(the sounds, the smells, the textures around me)
instead of letting my mind run 
WILD 
with thoughts of past and future.

On some level,
these practices are taking,
even if I'm skipping some classes,
not doing all of my homework,
and definitely not making straight A's!

There is a sustaining awareness that what may appear
WILD
in my life
is just 
LIFE
for the moment, in the meantime,
until I re-find (remember) that old place of
Peace
and
Focus
which never, ever really leaves me!

I like to think of that place as
MERCY!
~~~
Trees everywhere on my drive to and from Snyder...
beautiful variegated colors from deep green to lime green.
The most eye-catching were the trees that had obviously been
burned in some intentional or unintentional fire.
The green foliage was such a contrast to the black gnarled limbs
from which it sprouted, almost incongruent in its appearance.
HOW COULD SOMETHING THAT ALIVE
come out of something so dead?
MERCY!

Entering New Spaces

It's Tuesday, and I haven't done this practice once!

When I look back at yesterday, I see

EDITH BUNKER

lurching from place to place, room to room, 

trying to be where she's needed next...

being pulled and jerked from place to place rather than

taking herself, her whole self, confidently and

intentionally from one location to another...

mindful movement!

(Hmmm...I need to think of a cue.)

Okay, it's Wednesday, and I realize I need this practice
more than I ever thought I would...and right now.
Rather than maintaining MY pace,
I am beginning to lurch and lunge at work to join in
with the frenetic pace that appears at certain times of the day.
I am learning to be the thermostat
and not the thermometer,
all over again.

I will start right now
breathing in the word "door"
and breathing out the word "way".
It will require the utmost mindfulness
and yet, it will be a wonderful path back to my

Realized mid-week that I needed a reminder, so 
I started wearing a large ring.
I learned that even that didn't work as I stayed caught up
in the events of the week, a challenging week.
I wish I had done this practice to see what impact it might have
had on my responses to the work drama.
But it felt like I would have been trying to 
"rub my stomach and pat my head" at the same time.
I was definitely in my head this week.

Take Three Breaths

When I saw this was the practice for the week,

I welcomed it like an old friend.

At last!

A week to just breathe in response to all that 

would be coming my way.

Little did I know...

New work relationships

Congress' resistance to background checks

Boston!

Health challenges

Exhaustion

Each time I responded to life with 3 breaths, I came back to now.

I got out of my head and all the stories that were trying to get attention.

I became reacquainted with what was real, right here before me,

and released, over and over again, that which I could not change.

I quit grasping and resisting.

At least for those moments following my

Three Breaths.

Secret Acts of Virtue

I did not do this practice.

Call it resistance.

(To being told to be nice...)

Call it rationalization.

(Wanting to believe that I do this naturally, in my own way...)

Call it a new-job-work-week with weekend company.

(When my focus was directed totally 

at what was in my line of sight and scope of energy...)

I do remember one morning on my way to work I saw a carton 

of unopened beer bottles thrown out on the street in front of me. 

I experienced the brief awareness that this was 

an opportunity to perform a SAV.

And, I didn't.

Loving Eyes

It's Wednesday, and I've hardly thought about this practice.

Starting the new job yesterday, my attention...and my eyes...have

been focused on SO many new things that are now in my line-of-sight.

I like to think that my vision for my work, for the business, and for the people

there is coming from a place of LOVE...seeing potential and giving folks the benefit

of the doubt as I get to know them better and understand their styles and intentions.

My eyes are so tired, especially from gazing at a computer screen and learning the new

in and outs of a system that is so different from mine at home.

When I got home last night, I was exhausted and my eyes were spent!

Now that I've had a good night's rest and am delaying my departure to Abilene,

I want to head out with this practice in focus.

What will I see along the way?

Who will I encounter?

What will challenge me?

What will delight me?

Loving eyes are accepting eyes...admitting eyes...present eyes.

"Open my eyes that I may see..."
~~~
Aha!
Saying goodbye to Mother, taking her face in my hands,
looking straight into her eyes with my loving eyes,
holding our gaze longer than she might have allowed in the past,
and feeling a connection made that said it was all okay.
I left feeling peaceful.
She knows.

A Media Fast

Monday:

Bargaining big-time...newspaper still on ottoman...plugged in to my

email this morning...answered Debi's "letter"...identifying my addictive forms 

of media...internet news bits...checking and rechecking email...

email as my connection to my Connections...Maddow & O'Donnell...
worked crossword puzzle and then threw newspaper away...
resisted reading the news blurbs on the internet
Tuesday:
Did crossword and threw unread newspaper away...
no Yahoo news blurbs
Wednesday:
Crossword puzzle, but threw newspaper away...
no Yahoo news blurbs
Thursday:
Another day of crossword puzzle and no newspaper
or Yahoo news blurbs
Friday:
I cheated and read the newspaper and was reminded of
how very little I've been missing!! 
Enjoyed working my crossword puzzle
Didn't look at Yahoo blurbs
Saturday:
Scanned the paper and worked the crossword
No Yahoo blurbs all week!
~~~
I realize how much I enjoy being "connected" to the world
via media, especially my MSNBC nightly crew!
I can, however, feel what the author referred to as an
"underlying anxiety"...more an awareness that the news on
MSNBC makes me want to respond...DO SOMETHING!
Is that bad?
Fasting from the Yahoo news blurbs was good; so much of
that supposed "news" is just gossip and speculation.
I do like some of the heart-warming stories that come across
from time to time, and I'll probably go back to at least
scanning the blurbs for that kind of POSITIVE news...I enjoy
putting those on my emmyblog.

Waiting

Sculpture entitled 

Is It Worth Waiting For?

Yesterday's waiting for internet transactions, and never once applying this.

I had associated this practice with "waiting room" experiences.

Now I see it is so much bigger and prevalent in my life.

This just in...
~~~
It's Thursday and I am realizing (again) that the waiting in my life
is EVERYWHERE, 
not just the obvious waits at stoplights,restaurants, stores, etc. 
In fact, I have not really been "out" in three days.
So, now, here goes:
J.R.
(3 breaths)
K.L.
(3 breaths)
M.W.
(3 breaths)
~~~

I am

DRAWN instead of DRIVEN

FOUND instead of SEEKING

GROUNDED instead of GRASPING

CENTERED instead of SCATTERED

ENOUGH instead of MORE

NOW instead of WHEN

FULL instead of HUNGRY

STILL instead of RUSHED

RIGHT HERE instead of THERE.

~~~
Rita is never late.
It was only during the last 10 minutes or so of my
wait for her at Freebirds that I remembered this practice
and started enjoying the breathing time.
Interesting how I kept expecting her to show up at any minute,
so it wasn't a frustrating wait at all.
She and I got a good laugh out of her assisting me
with my practice this week.