See the Color Blue

Say Yes

Ok. You changed my life with "Say Yes" last fall. Pat

Rest Your Hands

I've been noticing how relaxed my hands look this week,

especially while at the beach.

Not the gnarled little "grabbers" of a few weeks ago.

Hands are a reflection of the spirit,

I do believe!

Notice Trees

I did notice that when I took the "freeways" home from work,
there were absolutely no trees...
asphalt and concrete as far as the eye could see!
So my 19th Street route, although longer, perhaps, 
is my much-needed tree-lined entry into and exit out of 
my daily world of work.
I noticed the varying shades of spring green
and the unique shapes of their sprouting and rooting. 
~~~ The past month has been WILD!!
I realize how hard it is to stay mindful when there
is so much on my mind.
Doing these practices seems harder than ever, 
because my mind is already consumed with content.
I don't even think of doing them.
I don't even think of wanting to do them.
Makes me appreciate and empathize with the many folks 
who would never even consider doing any of these practices.
Why, it's just not "natural".
And would I continue this journey or bail out,
if I were not the instigator...the facilitator?
Humility!

And yet, how often, 
in the midst of this WILD month,
have I found myself breathing at stoplights,
taking deep breaths when thoughts were starting to spin and twirl,
observing and experiencing what was really there
in the moment
(the sounds, the smells, the textures around me)
instead of letting my mind run 
WILD 
with thoughts of past and future.

On some level,
these practices are taking,
even if I'm skipping some classes,
not doing all of my homework,
and definitely not making straight A's!

There is a sustaining awareness that what may appear
WILD
in my life
is just 
LIFE
for the moment, in the meantime,
until I re-find (remember) that old place of
Peace
and
Focus
which never, ever really leaves me!

I like to think of that place as
MERCY!
~~~
Trees everywhere on my drive to and from Snyder...
beautiful variegated colors from deep green to lime green.
The most eye-catching were the trees that had obviously been
burned in some intentional or unintentional fire.
The green foliage was such a contrast to the black gnarled limbs
from which it sprouted, almost incongruent in its appearance.
HOW COULD SOMETHING THAT ALIVE
come out of something so dead?
MERCY!

Entering New Spaces

It's Tuesday, and I haven't done this practice once!

When I look back at yesterday, I see

EDITH BUNKER

lurching from place to place, room to room, 

trying to be where she's needed next...

being pulled and jerked from place to place rather than

taking herself, her whole self, confidently and

intentionally from one location to another...

mindful movement!

(Hmmm...I need to think of a cue.)

Okay, it's Wednesday, and I realize I need this practice
more than I ever thought I would...and right now.
Rather than maintaining MY pace,
I am beginning to lurch and lunge at work to join in
with the frenetic pace that appears at certain times of the day.
I am learning to be the thermostat
and not the thermometer,
all over again.

I will start right now
breathing in the word "door"
and breathing out the word "way".
It will require the utmost mindfulness
and yet, it will be a wonderful path back to my

Realized mid-week that I needed a reminder, so 
I started wearing a large ring.
I learned that even that didn't work as I stayed caught up
in the events of the week, a challenging week.
I wish I had done this practice to see what impact it might have
had on my responses to the work drama.
But it felt like I would have been trying to 
"rub my stomach and pat my head" at the same time.
I was definitely in my head this week.

Take Three Breaths

When I saw this was the practice for the week,

I welcomed it like an old friend.

At last!

A week to just breathe in response to all that 

would be coming my way.

Little did I know...

New work relationships

Congress' resistance to background checks

Boston!

Health challenges

Exhaustion

Each time I responded to life with 3 breaths, I came back to now.

I got out of my head and all the stories that were trying to get attention.

I became reacquainted with what was real, right here before me,

and released, over and over again, that which I could not change.

I quit grasping and resisting.

At least for those moments following my

Three Breaths.

Secret Acts of Virtue

I did not do this practice.

Call it resistance.

(To being told to be nice...)

Call it rationalization.

(Wanting to believe that I do this naturally, in my own way...)

Call it a new-job-work-week with weekend company.

(When my focus was directed totally 

at what was in my line of sight and scope of energy...)

I do remember one morning on my way to work I saw a carton 

of unopened beer bottles thrown out on the street in front of me. 

I experienced the brief awareness that this was 

an opportunity to perform a SAV.

And, I didn't.

Loving Eyes

It's Wednesday, and I've hardly thought about this practice.

Starting the new job yesterday, my attention...and my eyes...have

been focused on SO many new things that are now in my line-of-sight.

I like to think that my vision for my work, for the business, and for the people

there is coming from a place of LOVE...seeing potential and giving folks the benefit

of the doubt as I get to know them better and understand their styles and intentions.

My eyes are so tired, especially from gazing at a computer screen and learning the new

in and outs of a system that is so different from mine at home.

When I got home last night, I was exhausted and my eyes were spent!

Now that I've had a good night's rest and am delaying my departure to Abilene,

I want to head out with this practice in focus.

What will I see along the way?

Who will I encounter?

What will challenge me?

What will delight me?

Loving eyes are accepting eyes...admitting eyes...present eyes.

"Open my eyes that I may see..."
~~~
Aha!
Saying goodbye to Mother, taking her face in my hands,
looking straight into her eyes with my loving eyes,
holding our gaze longer than she might have allowed in the past,
and feeling a connection made that said it was all okay.
I left feeling peaceful.
She knows.

A Media Fast

Monday:

Bargaining big-time...newspaper still on ottoman...plugged in to my

email this morning...answered Debi's "letter"...identifying my addictive forms 

of media...internet news bits...checking and rechecking email...

email as my connection to my Connections...Maddow & O'Donnell...
worked crossword puzzle and then threw newspaper away...
resisted reading the news blurbs on the internet
Tuesday:
Did crossword and threw unread newspaper away...
no Yahoo news blurbs
Wednesday:
Crossword puzzle, but threw newspaper away...
no Yahoo news blurbs
Thursday:
Another day of crossword puzzle and no newspaper
or Yahoo news blurbs
Friday:
I cheated and read the newspaper and was reminded of
how very little I've been missing!! 
Enjoyed working my crossword puzzle
Didn't look at Yahoo blurbs
Saturday:
Scanned the paper and worked the crossword
No Yahoo blurbs all week!
~~~
I realize how much I enjoy being "connected" to the world
via media, especially my MSNBC nightly crew!
I can, however, feel what the author referred to as an
"underlying anxiety"...more an awareness that the news on
MSNBC makes me want to respond...DO SOMETHING!
Is that bad?
Fasting from the Yahoo news blurbs was good; so much of
that supposed "news" is just gossip and speculation.
I do like some of the heart-warming stories that come across
from time to time, and I'll probably go back to at least
scanning the blurbs for that kind of POSITIVE news...I enjoy
putting those on my emmyblog.

Waiting

Sculpture entitled 

Is It Worth Waiting For?

Yesterday's waiting for internet transactions, and never once applying this.

I had associated this practice with "waiting room" experiences.

Now I see it is so much bigger and prevalent in my life.

This just in...
~~~
It's Thursday and I am realizing (again) that the waiting in my life
is EVERYWHERE, 
not just the obvious waits at stoplights,restaurants, stores, etc. 
In fact, I have not really been "out" in three days.
So, now, here goes:
J.R.
(3 breaths)
K.L.
(3 breaths)
M.W.
(3 breaths)
~~~

I am

DRAWN instead of DRIVEN

FOUND instead of SEEKING

GROUNDED instead of GRASPING

CENTERED instead of SCATTERED

ENOUGH instead of MORE

NOW instead of WHEN

FULL instead of HUNGRY

STILL instead of RUSHED

RIGHT HERE instead of THERE.

~~~
Rita is never late.
It was only during the last 10 minutes or so of my
wait for her at Freebirds that I remembered this practice
and started enjoying the breathing time.
Interesting how I kept expecting her to show up at any minute,
so it wasn't a frustrating wait at all.
She and I got a good laugh out of her assisting me
with my practice this week. 

Loving touch indeed...

Loving Touch

Ooooh, I never expected this one to be so challenging.
I realize how roughly and brusquely I handle things, without even realizing.
Last night I ripped through those photo albums, jerking photos off
the pages and stuffing the remains into garbage bags.
I was on a roll, and I wanted to get it done.
The time my hands were most loving were when they were guiding me
through the memories of the albums I wasn't dismantling.
Hmmm...there is tension in my hands.
Stretch and relax them.
They are my connection to the world.
I told Sawyer to be "gentle" when touching the anniversary clock.
What would it be like to touch my world lovingly?
I am typing much more lightly now, and the words are still appearing.
Is this somehow tied to "trying too hard"?
Okay, now to paint one nail as my reminder.
~~~
I am lousy at loving hands...lousy, I say!
Okay...now with less judgmental accusations:
I observe my hands to be more like clumsy claws, especially since I used 
and abused them during the purging of the old photo albums.
My nails were splitting and the skin around them tender and bleeding
when I finished the purging of the albums.
I filed the nails down to the nub and they are now starting to peek back
out over the skin-line, bravely re-emerging like they have done for
the past sixty-five plus years of my life.
I remember my younger hands with soft, blemishless skin,
long tapered fingers with pretty nails attached.
Now they are 65-year-old hands,
perhaps more loving than ever in many ways.
Maybe learning to love my hands just as they are is the first
step to using them lovingly.
Hmmmm...
~~~
It's Friday, and I'm still grabbing and grasping.
I'm using the kids as an excuse.
Hmmmm...
~~~
I'm well into the next week and realizing how my hands have
relaxed and how much more "loving" they appear and "act"; this practice
has made me extremely aware of how my hands reflect my nature.
They will continue to be a helpful barometer of my connection to the love
that I am experiencing, both allowing in and expressing out.

Consider this...

Here's something to meditate upon: Our present experience, as it is, can never be "wrong". How can life, that infinite intelligence that grows the grass and burns the Sun, get anything "wrong"? 

  

Sadness is not wrong. Fear is not wrong. Confusion is not wrong. Our pain is not wrong. 

Resisting our pain, pushing it away - that's what makes everything seem wrong. And yet here is a deeper truth, for those who are open: Even our resistance of pain is not wrong. If that's what's happening, it cannot be wrong. It is a valid expression of life in the moment. Beyond 'right' and 'wrong', this love that we are even embraces our resistance. The Now is vast, and forgiving.

You see, we never actually "resist" our pain. We just never learned how to be with it. How to sit with it. Stay with it. Have a cup of tea with it. See it as a beloved friend, at home in the vastness of ourselves.

  

This is what I explore with people in my books, meetings and retreats: how to stop running away from the present moment. How to remember who we really are, no matter what is happening in our lives. How to rest, even in the midst of the storm.

In truth, we never have to look further than our present moment experience  to find that vast and timeless intelligence that forms galaxies out of nothing and pumps blood around the body in deep dreamless sleep. When we run away from this sacred moment, whatever shape it takes, we may just be missing its deeper secrets....

~Jeff Foster

Every Time the Phone Rings...

take three mindful breaths 

to settle the mind before answering.

I rarely have a phonecall, so I'm using stoplights as

my invitation to take three breaths and settle

the mind while I wait.

~~~

Forgetting when I stop at red lights...

then remembering

to breathe

~~~
Eventually looking forward to the

"oases of red lights"

~~~

Correlation between Mindfulness & Happiness

Listen to Sounds

Sitting in the living room:

Barking, wind in the fireplace, ringing in ears,

ticking clock, pops and cracks of house, pages turning,

Rob's exhale, heater coming on and running,

crinkling page, distant car sounds

~~~

Driving home:

Car sounds, birds, wind, clicks and ticks inside car

~~~

Bathroom:

Water gurgling, drain sounds

Gratitude at the End of the Day

Sunday

Visit with JG at potluck

TS was at church

Interesting visitors in Elephant Class

R's surprise installation in the garage
Successful start to garage clean-out

Monday

Sawyer's greeting when I picked him up at school
"I love him so much!" Sawyer of Caleb

Connecting with Debi via smART

Comfort of home

Z's firm, yet gentle touch with Sawyer
Tuesday
Clean, sweet-smelling sheets
Volunteer appeared to assist at book drop-off
United Market Street for a real shopping experience
A car that works
Phone call from Z as confirmation of "next"
Wednesday
Baron Batch's ART in the newspaper
Long chat with forever friend, Mary
Best job interview ever!
RAIN
Friends that show mercy
Thursday
No major dust storm
Good buys
Sweet family mementos
A new job
Friday
Fun time with Gay
Lunch with Christy
Shopping Trip
Good news to share with friends
Welcome letter from Jahan
Saturday
A nap while Sawyer didn't
Giving in to what was
Bubble fun at the BBB
Rob's support and release re job
Laughing at the kicking cat with Sawyer

When Eating Just Eat - 1/29/13

Mindfulness of Posture

Awareness at computer of needing to take stretch breaks
and the resistance to stopping.
Do I need a timer?
Combining stretches and three breaths

Is it time for yoga again?

Excuses...

Walking, movement, body awareness

Image of curled up ball instead of tall open tree
Just DO IT! No commentary needed
How easily my "elephant-mind" reverts to story-telling
instead of just getting back on task
(I wonder why? I'll never get this one tackled. This has
always been a problem for me. I'm too old to
really change this. And does it really matter in the long run?)
WOW! Here we go again. The elephant is in charge.
Just DO IT!!
~~~
When I am aligned physically, I am more likely
to be aligned in thought and action.

True Compliments

This "assignment" has made me think about the whole idea 

of giving and receiving compliments.

For me, the best compliments are those that let me know I've made

a connection of some sort...that something I did or said

touched someone else in a positive way.

"I appreciated the way you managed that group."

"What you said made me think."

It seems to be true for me that compliments including the words,

"You are so _____"

are often harder for me to receive because they put a label on me,

one that either feels contrary to who I know myself to be

or one that feeds an identity need.
~~~
Karla reminded me of my desire for connection.
So a compliment that indicates that a connection has been 
made is one that truly "connects" with me!
~~~
I haven't given one conscious compliment yet this week.
I realize my "wild elephant" takes me on all kinds of
runabouts--excursions into thought and ideas--
rather than me training the "elephant" to focus back 
on the practice of actually giving compliments.
Staying in my head is a familiar avoidance technique;
I'd rather analyze than do the practice.
And I can find all kinds of reasons why this is acceptable.
~~~
The Purpose of a Compliment:
Who is the compliment for?
Aren't I getting something out of giving a compliment?
Isn't the way a compliment is received dependent 
upon the receiver's programming?
What kind of compliment has the most potential
to be received in a positive, supportive way?
One that affirms the aspects of a
person's "being" that he/she most values,
that he/she sees as closest to his/her heart's desire.
(Tricia)
~~~
Making Connections

When Eating Just Eat

Resistance

Popcorn on Sunday

Snyder Deli for Monday lunch with Tenna

Chicken salad Monday dinner with TV

Tuesday chicken lunch with Rob

Seeing eating as a necessity rather than an experience

Using lunch time to catch up on conversation with Rob

Awareness that I'm shoveling it in

Not really tasting each bite

How long will I resist?
~~~

Okay, it's Wednesday morning, 
and I'll make breakfast an experience.
Set the table, sit down, eat & drink, paying attention
to temperatures, textures, tastes...
My mind still races; perhaps the caffeine from
this morning's first cup of coffee is fueling the wild elephant.
I actually feel full before all of the food is gone.
When I'm eating mindlessly, 
I keep eating until the plate/bowl is empty.
I actually felt my body saying, 
that's enough.
So I stopped.
~~~
Awareness that eating is something I do
"in the background"
of the other things I'm doing while I'm eating.
It has become the "backdrop",
not the focus.
Wow!
How ungrateful is that?!

~~~

Today's lunch
But it's just noodle soup!
Again, I ate about half and was full.
If I had been reading or watching TV and eating,
I would have finished the cup, 
without any idea of whether I was full or not.
I see how easy it is to discount a meal,
especially the meals I eat alone,
rather than appreciating it for what it is...nourishment!
I think I've been mindlessly filling a hole
rather than taking in the whole experience of eating...
the sacrament of refueling my body.
~~~

  Mindful eating for two...appreciation!
~~~
Thursday morning awareness:
Drinking my coffee with breakfast keeps me
from gulping that first cup of coffee,
getting my caffeine fix,
and then ignoring breakfast because
I'm not even aware I need/want it.
Caffeine appears to override
the normal hunger response in the morning.
New practice:
Coffee accompanied by food
~~~

Thursday dinner:
Mindless eating with a 3-year-old...
at least we're at the table!
~~~
By putting more thought into shopping for,
preparing, and presenting food,
I find I am approaching the eating more mindfully.
I am not eating as much as I do when I just throw
the food on a plate and hunker down to
watch TV or read.
And I feel much more satisfied!

Appreciate Your Hands

Just there...waiting to serve, without being asked.
Reflexively going into service mode,
knowing exactly what to do in the moment...
always IN THE MOMENT.
They do nothing in the past or in the future;
they simply can't!
~~~
I put lotion out on kitchen cabinet...in appreciation.
~~~
Working and Waiting
Just because one hand is not being used 
does not mean it is not useful.
There is a very natural flow to being useful
and then resting...usefulness...rest.
The rhythm of nature.
~~~
WOW!

What a dance!!

Right Hand did most of the "work", but Left Hand

jumped in at just the right time, without even being asked.

Right Hand scrubbed the sink, but Left Hand adjusted the water,

rearranged items around the sink, 

and pushed up my sleeves when needed.

Totally choreographed WITHOUT my assistance.

Neither hand was more important; it was just a matter of

each one doing most naturally what it was best equipped to do.

Leading, following, directing, assisting...

Companioning? Community?
~~~

Filler Words

My keenness for the word "perhaps";
fear of sounding bossy or "right"
Using, "I was telling _____, just the other day"
as a preface rather than just saying it 

Leave No Trace

Who cleans up "the world"?
Stayed in 3 hotels; mindful of housekeepers 
Multiple hit & run stories in the newspaper
Gratitude for those behind the scenes 
whose job it is to leave no trace

Use Your Nondominant Hand

Brushing my teeth:
Clumsy, irritated
Tempted to change hands and just get it done,
especially when I was in a hurry
Easier when I was walking around and not
focusing on the awkwardness
~
Impatience (though usually unspoken) with others
"Spit it out; get it done; here, let me; I'll just do it."
Discomfort with inefficiency