True Compliments

This "assignment" has made me think about the whole idea 

of giving and receiving compliments.

For me, the best compliments are those that let me know I've made

a connection of some sort...that something I did or said

touched someone else in a positive way.

"I appreciated the way you managed that group."

"What you said made me think."

It seems to be true for me that compliments including the words,

"You are so _____"

are often harder for me to receive because they put a label on me,

one that either feels contrary to who I know myself to be

or one that feeds an identity need.
~~~
Karla reminded me of my desire for connection.
So a compliment that indicates that a connection has been 
made is one that truly "connects" with me!
~~~
I haven't given one conscious compliment yet this week.
I realize my "wild elephant" takes me on all kinds of
runabouts--excursions into thought and ideas--
rather than me training the "elephant" to focus back 
on the practice of actually giving compliments.
Staying in my head is a familiar avoidance technique;
I'd rather analyze than do the practice.
And I can find all kinds of reasons why this is acceptable.
~~~
The Purpose of a Compliment:
Who is the compliment for?
Aren't I getting something out of giving a compliment?
Isn't the way a compliment is received dependent 
upon the receiver's programming?
What kind of compliment has the most potential
to be received in a positive, supportive way?
One that affirms the aspects of a
person's "being" that he/she most values,
that he/she sees as closest to his/her heart's desire.
(Tricia)
~~~
Making Connections

When Eating Just Eat

Resistance

Popcorn on Sunday

Snyder Deli for Monday lunch with Tenna

Chicken salad Monday dinner with TV

Tuesday chicken lunch with Rob

Seeing eating as a necessity rather than an experience

Using lunch time to catch up on conversation with Rob

Awareness that I'm shoveling it in

Not really tasting each bite

How long will I resist?
~~~

Okay, it's Wednesday morning, 
and I'll make breakfast an experience.
Set the table, sit down, eat & drink, paying attention
to temperatures, textures, tastes...
My mind still races; perhaps the caffeine from
this morning's first cup of coffee is fueling the wild elephant.
I actually feel full before all of the food is gone.
When I'm eating mindlessly, 
I keep eating until the plate/bowl is empty.
I actually felt my body saying, 
that's enough.
So I stopped.
~~~
Awareness that eating is something I do
"in the background"
of the other things I'm doing while I'm eating.
It has become the "backdrop",
not the focus.
Wow!
How ungrateful is that?!

~~~

Today's lunch
But it's just noodle soup!
Again, I ate about half and was full.
If I had been reading or watching TV and eating,
I would have finished the cup, 
without any idea of whether I was full or not.
I see how easy it is to discount a meal,
especially the meals I eat alone,
rather than appreciating it for what it is...nourishment!
I think I've been mindlessly filling a hole
rather than taking in the whole experience of eating...
the sacrament of refueling my body.
~~~

  Mindful eating for two...appreciation!
~~~
Thursday morning awareness:
Drinking my coffee with breakfast keeps me
from gulping that first cup of coffee,
getting my caffeine fix,
and then ignoring breakfast because
I'm not even aware I need/want it.
Caffeine appears to override
the normal hunger response in the morning.
New practice:
Coffee accompanied by food
~~~

Thursday dinner:
Mindless eating with a 3-year-old...
at least we're at the table!
~~~
By putting more thought into shopping for,
preparing, and presenting food,
I find I am approaching the eating more mindfully.
I am not eating as much as I do when I just throw
the food on a plate and hunker down to
watch TV or read.
And I feel much more satisfied!

Appreciate Your Hands

Just there...waiting to serve, without being asked.
Reflexively going into service mode,
knowing exactly what to do in the moment...
always IN THE MOMENT.
They do nothing in the past or in the future;
they simply can't!
~~~
I put lotion out on kitchen cabinet...in appreciation.
~~~
Working and Waiting
Just because one hand is not being used 
does not mean it is not useful.
There is a very natural flow to being useful
and then resting...usefulness...rest.
The rhythm of nature.
~~~
WOW!

What a dance!!

Right Hand did most of the "work", but Left Hand

jumped in at just the right time, without even being asked.

Right Hand scrubbed the sink, but Left Hand adjusted the water,

rearranged items around the sink, 

and pushed up my sleeves when needed.

Totally choreographed WITHOUT my assistance.

Neither hand was more important; it was just a matter of

each one doing most naturally what it was best equipped to do.

Leading, following, directing, assisting...

Companioning? Community?
~~~

Filler Words

My keenness for the word "perhaps";
fear of sounding bossy or "right"
Using, "I was telling _____, just the other day"
as a preface rather than just saying it 

Leave No Trace

Who cleans up "the world"?
Stayed in 3 hotels; mindful of housekeepers 
Multiple hit & run stories in the newspaper
Gratitude for those behind the scenes 
whose job it is to leave no trace

Use Your Nondominant Hand

Brushing my teeth:
Clumsy, irritated
Tempted to change hands and just get it done,
especially when I was in a hurry
Easier when I was walking around and not
focusing on the awkwardness
~
Impatience (though usually unspoken) with others
"Spit it out; get it done; here, let me; I'll just do it."
Discomfort with inefficiency

UU Invitation

Mindfulness is "waking up to our life as it actually is, 

not the fantasy we often live out in our mind."

You are invited to join us in January as we begin simple weekly "Mindfulness Practices for Living Life More Fully & Joyfully", using Jan Chozen Bays, MD, book How to Train a Wild Elephant as our source-guide.  We will plan to meet as a group after the third Sunday potluck each month to share what we've learned in the preceding weeks. 

As Dr. Bays encourages, 

"It's important to take our 'failures' lightly. Each person has different experiences,
insights, and funny stories to tell about his or her attempts--
and failures--to do these exercises."  

The operative word here is "attempts", as exploration, 

rather than mastery, is our goal. 

Books are available at Barnes & Noble or on Amazon. Our first mindfulness practice group meeting will be after the potluck on Sunday, January 20th. We will focus on our experiences with the first three chapters: "Use Your Nondominant Hand", "Leave No Trace", and "Filler Words". 

Looking forward!

Sarah Mulkey

325-669-7985

www.elephantstotrain.blogspot.com